I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
