You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
