Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
