I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
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Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
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Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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