I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
