I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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