My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
