Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
