U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
