um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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