The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
