i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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