My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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