I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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