Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
