I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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