I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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