I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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