I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
