my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
