You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
