it's too hot outside to masturbate.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
