I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
