dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
