i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
