I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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