Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
