GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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