yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
