Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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