cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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