So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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