Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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