My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
