god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Sober January is a disaster.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
