Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
