My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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