i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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