There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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