Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so let's talk penis.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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