Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
