it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
