Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
