Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
But we have bathrooms and they dont
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
