A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
