Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
