shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
