Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
