Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize