Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
