whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She bit a glass in half.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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