areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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