I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize