I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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