2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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