You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
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You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
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College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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