i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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