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Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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